garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
