I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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