R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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