Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
