what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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