Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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