The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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