I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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