I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
