i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just puked most of my soul out..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
