batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
