i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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