I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
