Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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