OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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