I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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