Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize