when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
