Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
