DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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