where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
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He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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