I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
