i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
