does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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