ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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