I wish I only lived at night.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
