Apparently you make a good broom.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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