he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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