After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
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She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
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I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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