I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
