i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize