whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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