Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
