this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
