Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Please, let me fuck your mom
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize