I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
