they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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