hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
