Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
