Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
