omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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