Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
