It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
