You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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