From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
