community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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