Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
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I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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