yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
