i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
