Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
wow bdsm is so cute
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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