Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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