did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
