Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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