So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
