I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She even gives head with a lisp.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
