He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
