Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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