he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
