Im at strip club and am horny
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
