He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
